So, Bill Ackman went on CNBC again.

You can almost picture the scene: the cold studio lights, the faint hum of a server farm somewhere, and the dead-eyed stare of a camera lens as another billionaire explains how the world should work for the rest of us. He sat there on "Squawk Box," a man worth a reported $8.4 billion, and with a straight face called Donald Trump "the most pro-business president we’ve ever had."

Let’s just pause on that for a second. "Pro-business." What does that even mean anymore? Pro-whose-business, exactly? Is it pro-your-local-deli-business, or pro-the-multi-billion-dollar-hedge-fund-that-owns-a-slice-of-Chipotle-business? I’m guessing it’s the latter. When a guy whose fund is worth $20 billion talks about what’s good for "business," he’s not talking about you. He’s talking about his balance sheet.

He praised Trump's infrastructure and tax bills, which, offcourse, were fantastic news if you’re in the business of, say, owning large stakes in publicly traded companies. But then came the kicker. He admitted he was "a little bit concerned" by Trump's tariff policy back in April. A little bit concerned. That’s like saying you’re "a little bit concerned" when the captain of your yacht starts steering it directly toward an iceberg.

But don’t worry, because Bill swooped in to save the day. He claims he suggested a "pause" to Trump, and presto, the president changed his position. Are we really supposed to believe that? That the President of the United States is taking policy notes from a hedge fund manager like he’s some kind of intern? Or is this just another carefully crafted narrative for his 1.8 million followers on X, a little story to cement his status as a kingmaker who can bend the world to his will? This ain't statesmanship; it's brand management.

The Gospel of Frugal Power

This is where the story gets truly, beautifully absurd. Ackman’s grand political pronouncements are coming from a guy who famously describes himself as "frugal." Billionaire Bill Ackman says he doesn’t like ‘wasting money’—he’ll even drive elsewhere for cheaper garages, despite once owning a parking company.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. I’m tired of the billionaire cosplay of the common man. It’s a bad look. No, 'bad' doesn't cover it—this is a profoundly insulting performance. The same meticulous, penny-pinching obsession he applies to saving $7 on parking is the exact same mindset he applies to shaping society. It's not about morality or the common good; it's about optimization. It’s about finding the most efficient, low-cost path to securing his own assets.

Let's look at his recent comments on the New York City mayoral race. He’s terrified of Zohran Mamdani, the Democratic nominee, calling him a "socialist" who has the "wrong" policies. And what’s his solution? He called for the CEOs of New York City to encourage their employees to vote.

Read that again. He isn't asking for a robust debate of ideas. He’s not appealing to voters directly. He’s calling on the bosses to rally the workers. It’s the most feudal, top-down vision of democracy imaginable. It’s the political equivalent of hunting for cheap parking: find the most direct route to power with the least amount of friction, and if that means leveraging corporate hierarchies to influence an election, then so be it. Who cares about the little guy who just got his car blocked in?

This whole thing is like watching a master chess player who thinks the pawns should be grateful he’s even letting them on the board. He sees problems—and to his credit, he says Mamdani is "accurate in identifying the problems with the city"—but his solution is always the one that keeps the king safe. And in this story, he’s the king. And maybe I'm the crazy one here, but I just don't see how a guy who once owned a massive stake in a parking lot company is the person we should trust to redesign the whole city grid...

A King in a Kingdom of Concrete

It all boils down to a worldview that sees the entire world as a portfolio to be managed. A country is just a large-cap stock. A city is a riskier, mid-cap investment. And the people? We’re the fluctuating dividend payments. When we do what we’re told, the stock goes up. When we start getting ideas about "socialism" or wanting a bigger piece of the pie, we become a liability that needs to be hedged against.

So when Bill Ackman gets on TV and tells you who to vote for, he’s not doing it as a concerned citizen. He's doing it as a fund manager. He's protecting his investments—in Uber, in Amazon, in the very structure of an economy that allows a man to accumulate $8.4 billion while bragging about turning off the lights. It’s a flawless, cold, and calculated strategy. And if it works, the returns will be incredible. Just not for you.